Part-time writer, full-time nerd with shopping addiction, living in London. And I'm ginger. All content is Copywrited.

Top Coat

Today I had a manicure since, just because you’re a girl who loves video games doesn’t mean you don’t care about your cuticles.  Infact, because of gaming I find I have to care for my cuticles more.

A couple of weeks ago I saw American Hustle.  It was great, really enjoyable - and definitely the best cast I’ve seen in a long time. I didn’t know Christian Bale could actually act!  And Jennifer Lawrence was, as always, amazing.  

In the film, Jennifer Lawrence’s character is obsessed with the smell of her top coat of nail varnish, how it smells: sweet but with a hint of garbage.  And it’s addictive.

That’s how my nails smell now.  And I have to agree: I’m obsessed.  It’s so nice, but not.

I think this is the first time where I felt that something in a film has directly applied to an aspect of my life.  This makes me sad, because it’s about my nail varnish.

It smells so good.


I don’t like buses.  For one reason, they’re always late.  Secondly, they’re always very crowded - so crowded you’re unlikely to get a seat.  But when you get a seat, that’s when buses are the worst.

Today I got the bus home from work.  And I got a seat.  I thought this was a good thing until about three stops in.  Then a man sat next to me.

This would have been ok, except… he was the type of man you didn’t want to sit next to: the kind with very visible dandruff and who sounded like a dog every time he barked coughed.  And he was dressed all in various shades of brown.  That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing (it was) but it was very odd.

When I was sat there next to the barking coughing man with the bad skin condition I came up with a plan.  it’s a good plan.

From now on, whenever I have to get the bus, I’m going to dress like I smell.

I’m not going to smell, I’m just going to dress so that, when people get on the bus and see me from a distance, they won’t want to sit next me. It’s genius.  That way, no weirdo will sit next to me because they’ll think I’M the weirdo on the bus.  And no one wants to sit next to that person.

But I won’t be the weirdo.

I won’t.

I won’t.


Jobs can really get in the way of your life.  I say this if you’re doing a job that isn’t what you dreamed you’d be doing.  For example, I love to write.  I like to take photos.  I make snide blog posts and snigger to myself when I think I’m being witty.  I do not enjoy pointless conversations.

At work, I sometimes have to answer the phone.  To make it more fun, I have a secretary voice for phone use only that makes me feel like I’m in the 1960s.  It’s terribly polite and a bit breathy.  I like it.  But there are some things that even a fun phone voice can’t make better.

It went like this:

'Hello sir, good afternoon - how can I help you?'

'Ah.  Yes.  I was wondering if I was using the right coconut milk.'  This isn't a question I normally have to answer at work.  Or ever.

'I'm sorry?'  

'Yes, the one I'm looking at has grape juice from concentrate in it.  Should I be using it?'

'…What are you using it for?'

'I'm making chia pudding.'

At this point, I reminded the man what company he was calling and he insisted that he had meant to call.  So.

'Well… I normally use coconut milk from a tin.  When I cook.'

'Oh really?'

'Yes.  But that's normally for curries and things.  Not - I'm sorry, sir, I don't know if I'm being very helpful.  Maybe you should call someone else.'

'Is it sweetened?'

'What?' Really.  This is my job.

'This one is sweetened with grape juice from concentrate.  Is the coconut milk you use unsweetened?  Is the grape juice bad for me because it's from concentrate?'


'Will I need to sweeten the chia pudding?'

'I think that's up to you, sir.'

'And you use coconut milk from a tin, you say?'


'Alright then.  Thank you very much.'  And he hung up.

What made me really sad, is that that was the most interesting this that happened to me that day.  Not just in work, but in life.  It made me feel sad.

My life makes me sad.